Tag Archives for " dating "

In Praise Of Shorter Men

As we women raise hell about stereotypes and fight barriers, I find it troubling that the stereotype of the “tall, dark and handsome man” as being the most attractive man still seems to prevail in 2019. I have heard from male friends that some women go so far as to put in their online dating profiles that they won’t date a man under 6 feet tall and I have many girlfriends who list a man’s height as a deal breaker. This is such a pet peeve of mine that I felt compelled to speak out, so I am writing this blog as a tribute to shorter men.

As a seasoned dater, I am very aware of how difficult it is to meet someone with whom you find a true connection. With all of the games that go on and all of the people out there carrying so much baggage they could fill an airplane, it seems to me that someone’s height is just so superficial. When I hear my girlfriends go on about the importance of height I roll my eyes, and think to myself, how ridiculous it is for them to reject someone who is kind, smart, fun, good looking, funny, fit and successful, someone who has everything else going for him, but he is 5 foot 7 instead of 6 feet. To me, this is utterly ridiculous, but yet I have come to realize that I may be in the minority for thinking this way.

I come across women who are not necessarily bringing a whole lot to the table themselves, and yet, they go on and on about the importance of height in a man. I meet women who are short themselves, and they place importance on height. I meet tall women who insist on a man being well over 6 feet. It seems that many of them would rather compromise on kindness, humour, intelligence and a great personality just to make sure they have their 6 foot 2 man.

At the end of the day, we are all entitled to place importance on the qualities that we choose in a date or a prospective mate. If Margaret or Nancy would rather date a 6 foot tall asshole than a 5 foot 8 wonderful man then that is their prerogative. I just think that as women who complain about stereotypes, we shouldn’t be applying them ourselves. I also think that when it is already difficult enough to meet someone with whom your truly connect, placing a rigid height requirement as a non-negotiable criteria, certainly limits the quality men that you will have the opportunity to meet. I guess I should celebrate the women who do this, as it means less competition for women like myself who don’t hold onto this rigid height requirement for love.

We are attracted to what we are attracted to and sometimes it can be difficult to explain or understand. I do think, however, that it is important to question why we might feel a certain way and whether it has been groomed by a stereotype. As we see stereotypes surrounding race, religion, and age disappearing in the dating world, it would be nice to see what I think is another superficial stereotype also disappear. What do you think? Do you have a height requirement?

2 Dating In Midlife: The Good, The Bad And The Outright Ugly

With the high divorce rate and more transient nature of relationships in 2019, more people are dating in midlife than ever before. Factor in the growth of online dating, dating apps, and dating through social media and the entire dating culture has dramatically changed. Change can be good, change can be bad, and in the case of midlife dating change can be outright ugly. For those who are out in the trenches, here is a summary of the realities of dating over 40.

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Six Tips For Dating When You Have Children

When you have children and you find yourself single again, dating can be very complicated.  Not only do you have the challenge of finding someone worthy of dating, but you have more constraints on your time, potential childcare issues, and then the complex issue of what your children should know and who they should meet.  The following are some general tips that I have acquired through my own experience and the experience of clients.

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2 Why I No Longer Date Tire Kickers & Why You Shouldn’t Either

If you have ever worked in a sales job, then you are most likely very familiar with the "Tire Kickers".  A "tire kicker" is someone who appears to be interested in buying something, asks a lot of questions, uses up a lot of your time, but then does not buy anything.  There are lots of them around and if you try to sell something on the internet, it can be even worse. Sadly, the "Tire Kickers" have expanded from not only wasting people's time in the world of sales, they are now a force to be reckoned with in the dating world of 2018.

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Do People Even Go On Real Dates Anymore?

In this world of "coffee meets", "hanging out", and "Netflix and chill", do people even go on real dates anymore?  As someone who longs for some of the old style courtship, I am starting to think that "real dates" are becoming an endangered species.  While I have certainly met some wonderful gentlemen who know how to properly court a woman and take her out for a wonderful evening, for every man like that, there are dozens who just want to hang out.  I am sure that there are many men finding the same thing about women, so my comments in this blog are aimed at both genders.

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Can You Be Single So Long That You Become Undateable?

A friend of mine gave me a piece of dating advice a few years ago.  She said, "You need to meet a man when he is newly separated because once he has been single for too long, he will enjoy single life and not want to commit." At the time I thought that this was interesting advice, and I wasn't sure whether it was true or not.  Now, as I enter yet another year of single life, I am beginning to wonder if this statement is not just true of men, but of women also.  Is it possible that if we are single for too long we start to enjoy the independence, lack of drama and accompanying freedom so much, that with each passing year we become more reluctant to give it up, and thereby become almost undateable?

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2 The Problem Is You Found Her, But You Kept Looking

I recently posted a meme with the title of this blog on my social media and was very surprised at the response, mostly from men, who seemed to take exception to the content of the meme.  The point of my post wasn't to attack men, it was to highlight this modern day problem that has arisen amongst both men AND women.  Everyone is so busy searching for "the one", they overlook the very special person who may be right in front of them.

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Good Vibes Only. That’s Ridiculous!!

All too often in social media and other places I see people posting about how they want "good vibes only" and how they have a "no negativity" zone.  At the risk of emitting "negative vibes", I have to say that I find these mantras to be ridiculous.  I will even go further and say that not only are they ridiculous, they are harmful to people, our relationships and our ability to connect with one another.

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2 5 Ways To Make Online Dating Work For You

Online dating has permanently changed how we find love in the modern world.  It has given rise to a buffet of potential matches, and all we have to do is keep returning to the buffet and sampling other dishes.  It has given rise to multi-dating, polyamorous love, and an ever increasing hook-up culture.  Some say it has destroyed romance,  and long-term relationships, and in many ways it has devalued all of the participants who are often viewed as nothing special and easily replaceable.   With all of these challenges it can be easy to become jaded and discouraged, however, with the right outlook and approach online dating can be a fantastic way to meet new people and potentially find exactly what you are looking for.

Here are 5 ways to make online dating work for you:

  1. Be open minded:  The best approach to online dating is to have little or no expectations.  Maybe you will make a new friend, maybe you will find true love, or maybe you will just have a funny story to laugh about with your friends.  Just be open to the idea of meeting new and interesting people, and you won’t feel disappointed if you didn’t make a love connection.
  2. Don’t take anything personally: Like anywhere, the online dating world has its share of rude, ill-mannered and weird people.  Don’t take it personally if someone from online is rude or insulting to you.  It is a reflection on them, not you, and in no way should you let someone else’s rude behaviour cause you to feel bad about yourself.  You need to have a thick skin to successfully online date as the process itself devalues us all.
  3. Be positive:  Rather than assuming the worst about potential online suitors, assume the best.  Assume that they are genuine, sincere and interested in you and you will give off a positive energy that will attract positive people.
  4. Listen to your instincts:  If your gut is telling you that something doesn’t seem right about someone, listen to it.  While I recommend viewing people positively, you also need to use common sense and be smart about who you meet, and where or how you meet them.  Being positive doesn’t mean that you take risks with your safety or waste your time with someone who your instincts tell you is being less than honest.
  5. Be open to the idea that your Prince or Princess Charming may come in a package that looks different than the one you envisioned:  One of the biggest shortcomings of online dating is that you can’t tell from a photo or profile whether you will feel any chemistry with someone.  Sometimes the person who seems less than stellar on paper or a computer screen, can be charismatic and have an outstanding personality that attracts you when you meet in person.  Don’t be so rigid with your checklist of qualities your prospective date must have that you miss out on the opportunity to meet someone fantastic.

Online dating is here to stay so if you are single you might as well use it to your advantage. This simple approach will ensure that you have fun with it whether you meet the love of your life or not.

Can You Truly Be Friends With Someone You Have Never Met In Person?

In our world of social media, insta-stories, snapchat and all of the other mediums available, it is easy to connect with people all over the world.  This means that we can develop relationships with people who we have never met in person.  We can directly message them, follow their lives on social media, and possibly even take it to the next level and talk to them on Skype or FaceTime.  Yet if we never actually meet in person, can we really consider these people our friends?

In my personal experience, I have been fortunate to have developed a group of followers on social media who I interact with regularly.  In some cases I look forward to their posts, they tell me they look forward to mine, we comment on each other’s musings, and we feel like we have some sense of each other’s daily lives.  I feel like I relate to them because of the things they post, and I feel like we have some sort of connection.  Often they inspire me to do better, cheer me up,  and remind me of what truly matters.

On my own social media, I often post about what is going on in my private life which recently included a broken finger. surgery, flooding and a new office location.  My followers congratulated me on the positive, cheered me up over the negative and sometimes even made me laugh.  They reminded me that they cared, even if we have never met in person, and I felt some sense of support reading their empathetic comments.  In contrast, I have friends who I have known for years, who are not on social media, and who I haven’t had much contact with in the last couple of months, who know of none of these significant developments in my life.  They didn’t have an opportunity to offer support or encouragement because they were unaware of the events going on in my life.  Ironically, the latter group are people I definitely consider friends, whereas the former group, I question what category to put them into since I have never met them in person.  Is one group more my friends than the other?

Ultimately what I think it comes down to is how one defines a friend.  For me, a friend is anyone who I feel a connection with who brings something positive to my life, and with whom I enjoy having contact.  The form of contact doesn’t matter.  It can be online, or in person, however, I must confess that I can only feel a really strong connection with someone who I have met in person.  There is something deeper when you can look someone in the eye, feel their energy, observe their body language, hear the tone in their voice and sense their aura.  The only form of contact where this type of connection can be made is in person.

This brings me to one of the dangers of online connections.  In my view they aren’t enough.  If someone isolates themselves from connecting with people offline and only has virtual connections, they will be missing something in their lives. Virtual friendships can compliment real life friendships, but they cannot replace them. So, can you truly be friends with someone you have never met in person?  My answer is yes, but a virtual friendship is different than a friendship in the real world.

 

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