Ghosting: The Modern Day Dating Problem

For those of you fortunate enough to be unfamiliar with the term ghosting, it is defined as the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication. Poof, and your boyfriend or girlfriend is gone.

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If like me, you are out there in the dating world, BEWARE OF GHOSTS as they are everywhere.

Ghosting is a phenomenon I never experienced in my twenties. It just didn?t exist or wasn?t very common. I am not entirely sure why, but back in the day, people just didn?t do this as frequently as it is done now.

For those of you fortunate enough to be unfamiliar with the term ghosting, it is defined as the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication. Poof, and your boyfriend or girlfriend is gone.

When I first became familiar with ghosting, I thought that it was something that people only did after one or two dates. However, I have learned that it can happen after dating for months and in the online dating world it is very common. One day you can be cooking a nice dinner for someone in your home, making future plans, and the next, that person is gone, without explanation, never to be heard from again.

Having been ghosted, I know first hand that it hurts. It is extremely confusing when someone that you were starting to care about suddenly disappears with no explanation or signs anything was wrong. While it is definitely the act of a coward, that doesn?t make the recipient feel any better.

Why people ghost is easy to explain.   It is an easy, non-confrontational way to get out of a relationship or situation that someone doesn?t want to be in. It is avoidance at its best.

Why, however, did people not engage in ghosting nearly as often twenty or thirty years ago? My only answer is that it is a reflection of the times we are in. People, particularly in the dating world, are viewed as disposable. Someone better is just one click or swipe away. At the click of a button we unfriend, unfollow or block someone without notice or much thought, why would this be any different in dating?

Ghosting is also a reflection of our society?s current desire to avoid negative feelings at all costs. By just disappearing, the ghost doesn?t have to deal with the hurt his or her actions have caused the other person. In reality though, the ghost?s actions have caused more hurt than being honest or upfront would ever have caused, and deep down, the ghost probably knows how cowardly his or her actions were and these feelings will manifest in some way. Avoidance is never a healthy strategy for dealing with anything.

While I don?t have any great pearls of wisdom on how to deal with ghosting, I do offer this: First, and foremost, don?t ever be a ghost yourself. I believe in karma and ghosting will haunt you. Second, if you are ghosted, always remember that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the ghost. You wouldn?t want to be in a relationship with a disrespectful partner anyway.

Dating and relationships will always have their challenges, ghosts or not. If you could use some coaching on navigating through modern day dating, please contact me, and we can chat about how coaching can be of assistance.

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