In this world of "coffee meets", "hanging out", and "Netflix and chill", do people even go on real dates anymore? As someone who longs for some of the old style courtship, I am starting to think that "real dates" are becoming an endangered species. While I have certainly met some wonderful gentlemen who know how to properly court a woman and take her out for a wonderful evening, for every man like that, there are dozens who just want to hang out. I am sure that there are many men finding the same thing about women, so my comments in this blog are aimed at both genders.
Most dates these days start with the “coffee meet”. It isn’t a date. It’s a casual meeting at a coffee shop where you evaluate whether the other person is “worthy” of getting to know better. If you pass the test you may actually progress to what I might consider a “real date”. A dinner out, a concert, lunch at a bistro….these are all possible venues for the real date. My advice is to enjoy this date as it may be the last one you have.
From the “real date” it seems that things progress to the “hanging out” and “Netflix and chill” stage and once you are here, you may never get out. After you have had the one date, it seems that everything is about being casual and comfortable. Why would you want to dress to impress as that requires making an effort? Comfort is the priority of the day these days and the days of dressing up are becoming more and more obsolete. Why wear a suit when shorts and a t-shirt are more comfortable? Why wear heels, when Crocs are easier on the feet?
It seems to be that a key component of the “hanging out stage” is also being physically intimate. Notice that I said physically as nowadays daters are much quicker to know each others bodies than they are their minds, life story, opinions, likes, dislikes and other personal details. Courtship is becoming more a thing of the past and daters rush from the coffee meet, to one date, to sex before they even know the other person’s middle name (and maybe even their last name).
The duration of the “hanging out” phase varies and may depend on two things. If one of the parties begins to develop feelings for the other and the resulting expectations for exclusivity, the relationship may end. Alternatively, if one of the parties starts to become negative or express a mood other than happiness, the “good vibes only” aspect of the relationship comes to an end, and now there may be “drama” so the relationship will also end.
Maybe I should have been single in another era. I long for courtship, real dates, getting to know each other’s minds, bodies and souls. Alternatively, maybe more people feel the way that I do than I realize, and we all just need to speak up, change the way dating is done in 2018, and find a way to adopt the best things about dating from generations ago to the best things about modern dating. I am willing to try. Will you join me?