Category Archives for "Lifestyle"

5 Stood Up, But Not Giving Up

I was stood up!! It took 52 years, countless dates, crazy experiences and now I can add being stood up to my dating stories.  There were red flags everywhere, but I let my curiosity get the better of me.

It all started when I got matched with "Jim" on an online dating site. "Jim's" profile said that he was 51, lived in Toronto, and worked in the investment industry.  He was handsome, educated, fit, successful and seemed to tick off all of the boxes on my mental checklist for the ideal partner. This probably should have been red flag number one.

We exchanged messages on the site and then we exchanged cell phone numbers and begin texting. He asked me if I would be interested in meeting him for a tea or a drink, and I agreed. He said he was travelling to Whistler to do some skiing and then had business in Manhattan, so we agreed to meet the following week.  I was excited to meet him as he was interesting to chat with, and seemed intelligent and fun.

"Jim" contacted me when he returned from Manhattan and invited me to meet him downtown, near both our respective offices, for a tea. The date he suggested was already pretty booked for me, but I really wanted to meet him, so I was determined to make it work. Unfortunately, that turned out to be a mistake on my part as a client emergency arose and I had to let "Jim" know first thing in the morning that I was going to have to reschedule our 1 p.m. tea.

"Jim" was mildly annoyed and said that he had adjusted his schedule to meet me. He sarcastically referenced a line from my dating profile that says I am "looking for a man on top of his game".  He said he was on top of his game and that he, in fact, was a "Rockstar"  or a "God" and that he was in extreme demand.  I apologised again for having to reschedule, and he told me that I was "a dork for blowing him off" (red flag number two).  I advised that I wasn't a "dork" and that I wasn't blowing him off.  He then responded that it was ok as his ego probably needed to be knocked down a few pegs. We then agreed to meet for a tea a few days later.

That night the most interesting thing happened. I got together with my girlfriend who is also single and we began chatting about our online dates.  She showed me a message that she had received from a cute guy who she had initiated contact with, and when I looked at the photos, I realized that it was "Jim"  except in this profile his name was "Peter" and he was 57, lived in Hamilton, and worked in the military. The photos though were the same. This was red flag number three.  I now thought that this seemingly perfect guy was dishonest and some sort of player or catfish.

I debated with my girlfriend what I should do about my upcoming date with "Jim/Peter". Should I stand him up and block him?  Should I cancel with no explanation? Should I confront him about his dual profiles? I chose option three. I sent him a text advising him that I had come across this other profile through my girlfriend and it had all his photos, and that I wasn't sure what to think, but that I thought it was best if we didn't meet.

His reaction was interesting. He denied that he knew anything about the "Peter" profile and almost seemed hurt that I was suggesting he had more than one profile. He then gave me what he said was his full name, home address, and he invited me to check out his profile on LinkedIn which he suggested was more reliable than an online dating site. I did go to LinkedIn and sure enough his "Jim" profile was there.  He asked me where we stood and said he would still like to meet me.  I am a big believer in giving someone the benefit of the doubt so I agreed to meet him.  He was quite attractive in his photos so it seemed plausible that an imposter might have copied them.  I also  couldn't figure out why he would be trying to mislead me on this.

The day arrived for our fateful date/meet.  I walked over to the coffee shop near my office where we had agreed to meet at 5:45 p.m. I chatted with my girlfriend as I walked over and mentioned that I had an uneasy feeling.  I arrived promptly at 5:45 and as I walked in, I didn't see anyone who looked like "Jim".  As I walked up to the counter to order my tea, I received a text from him saying, "hi".  I replied "hi" back.  He then texted, "I hope you are late."  I responded, "I am here, grabbing a table at the back."  There was no response.  I waited about ten minutes and then texted him asking what time he was going to arrive.  My phone then rang and it was "Jim" calling from what appeared to be a Hamilton area number.  "Jim" began by saying that he was a father of 4 and was, therefore, juggling a lot.  He said that a client from Manhattan had walked in his office door at 5:05 p.m. and that he had forgotten that he had scheduled a meeting with him.  I asked why he didn't call or text me at 5:05 then to tell me he was going to either be late or have to reschedule.  He replied, "Good question.  I thought I would still make the meeting."  I replied that this was not going to work out as this situation combined with his dual profiles raised too many red flags.  He responded that he had googled me and might walk into my office one day and try and make it up.  I said I needed to go and ended the call.

I left the coffee shop with a lot of questions.  Why would someone do this? How did it benefit him in any way to play this game? Was he playing a game or was it remotely possible that all his crazy stories were true? I felt disappointed and foolish, and begin to question for the 5000th time whether I should bother with online dating.  I decided that while online dating may not be for me, I will never give up hope that one day I will find love.

I changed the names in this story to protect "the guilty". If you are reading this and want to venture a guess at "Jim's" motivation for doing this, or whether you think he was being honest or playing a game, I would love to read your feedback in the comments.  While another one bites the dust, I will continue to believe in the good in people and not let the "Jims" of the world get me down. After all "Jim" has provided me with yet another great dating story for my blog.

The Mindful Divorce

Divorce is one of life’s most stressful events. It affects everything important to us: our children, our finances, where we will live, our identity and our expectations about the future.  Going through a divorce is emotionally draining. The hassles involved in the divorce process can make a person irritable, frustrated, and short-tempered. Practicing meditation and yoga during and after divorce promotes self-love, clarity, and balance. There are only a few other things in life as traumatic as going through a divorce. If you are trying to manage a divorce, your work, and your kids, you may be neglecting your own health and peace.

During these difficult times, it is more important than ever for you to take good care of your mind and body. Yoga is a nurturing practice for your emotional well-being and great for your physical health. The combined mind and body approach of yoga makes it an ideal practice for improving overall health.

3 Ways Meditation and Yoga Can Help You Manage the Stress That Surrounds Your Divorce

1.      It builds a community – Going through a divorce can make you feel isolated. You may feel like you have lost the constant support that you had. Experiences of personal growth and relaxation are common to those who practice yoga. Being surrounded by people with the same values as yours will help you fight any anxiety and stress that has stemmed out of your divorce.

2.    Cultivates self-love in you – Getting overwhelmed with doubt ,guilt, and self-blame while going through a divorce is natural. If you are getting separated from a violent and abusive partner, you might even be facing aggression and gas lighting. Practicing yoga and mindfulness is integral to curbing the effect of stress on your mind and body. Yoga and meditation teach a radical approach towards relationships and life, an approach based on love. You will begin to set yourself free of worries and regrets after you start practicing mindfulness.

3·      Helps you gain clarity – Getting divorced brings you to a crossroads in life. While this is terrifying at first, it can be equally empowering with the right approach. Yoga and mindfulness will help you get better clarity of the past and plan for a better future. If you are unable to fathom your situation at the moment, mindfulness will help you find order out of chaos. When the fog of doubt, negativity, regret, and fear will fade, you will see your life clearly.

Mindfulness comes from practicing yoga and meditation. In general, mindfulness helps you stay in the present moment at all times without rehashing over the past or worrying about the future. Using a mindful approach to your divorce can have many benefits including less stress, better relationships, better decisions and lower legal fees because you aren’t making your decisions based upon reactive emotions.  

In addition, being part of a divorce support group can have enormous benefits to help you through your difficult time. You can share what your are going through with others who understand firsthand the challenges you are experiencing. You won’t feel alone. It is also a great way to build new friendships in your post-divorce life.

Divorce is not easy, but putting important supports and tools for selfcare in place will make it easier for you and your children. Life after divorce can be happy and fulfilling, but you have to be proactive in taking care of yourself as you begin this next chapter of your life.


 

4 In Praise Of Shorter Men

As we women raise hell about stereotypes and fight barriers, I find it troubling that the stereotype of the “tall, dark and handsome man” as being the most attractive man still seems to prevail in 2019. I have heard from male friends that some women go so far as to put in their online dating profiles that they won’t date a man under 6 feet tall and I have many girlfriends who list a man’s height as a deal breaker. This is such a pet peeve of mine that I felt compelled to speak out, so I am writing this blog as a tribute to shorter men.

As a seasoned dater, I am very aware of how difficult it is to meet someone with whom you find a true connection. With all of the games that go on and all of the people out there carrying so much baggage they could fill an airplane, it seems to me that someone’s height is just so superficial. When I hear my girlfriends go on about the importance of height I roll my eyes, and think to myself, how ridiculous it is for them to reject someone who is kind, smart, fun, good looking, funny, fit and successful, someone who has everything else going for him, but he is 5 foot 7 instead of 6 feet. To me, this is utterly ridiculous, but yet I have come to realize that I may be in the minority for thinking this way.

I come across women who are not necessarily bringing a whole lot to the table themselves, and yet, they go on and on about the importance of height in a man. I meet women who are short themselves, and they place importance on height. I meet tall women who insist on a man being well over 6 feet. It seems that many of them would rather compromise on kindness, humour, intelligence and a great personality just to make sure they have their 6 foot 2 man.

At the end of the day, we are all entitled to place importance on the qualities that we choose in a date or a prospective mate. If Margaret or Nancy would rather date a 6 foot tall asshole than a 5 foot 8 wonderful man then that is their prerogative. I just think that as women who complain about stereotypes, we shouldn’t be applying them ourselves. I also think that when it is already difficult enough to meet someone with whom your truly connect, placing a rigid height requirement as a non-negotiable criteria, certainly limits the quality men that you will have the opportunity to meet. I guess I should celebrate the women who do this, as it means less competition for women like myself who don’t hold onto this rigid height requirement for love.

We are attracted to what we are attracted to and sometimes it can be difficult to explain or understand. I do think, however, that it is important to question why we might feel a certain way and whether it has been groomed by a stereotype. As we see stereotypes surrounding race, religion, and age disappearing in the dating world, it would be nice to see what I think is another superficial stereotype also disappear. What do you think? Do you have a height requirement?

Six Tips For Dating When You Have Children

When you have children and you find yourself single again, dating can be very complicated.  Not only do you have the challenge of finding someone worthy of dating, but you have more constraints on your time, potential childcare issues, and then the complex issue of what your children should know and who they should meet.  The following are some general tips that I have acquired through my own experience and the experience of clients.

Continue reading

2 Why I No Longer Date Tire Kickers & Why You Shouldn’t Either

If you have ever worked in a sales job, then you are most likely very familiar with the "Tire Kickers".  A "tire kicker" is someone who appears to be interested in buying something, asks a lot of questions, uses up a lot of your time, but then does not buy anything.  There are lots of them around and if you try to sell something on the internet, it can be even worse. Sadly, the "Tire Kickers" have expanded from not only wasting people's time in the world of sales, they are now a force to be reckoned with in the dating world of 2018.

Continue reading

Do People Even Go On Real Dates Anymore?

In this world of "coffee meets", "hanging out", and "Netflix and chill", do people even go on real dates anymore?  As someone who longs for some of the old style courtship, I am starting to think that "real dates" are becoming an endangered species.  While I have certainly met some wonderful gentlemen who know how to properly court a woman and take her out for a wonderful evening, for every man like that, there are dozens who just want to hang out.  I am sure that there are many men finding the same thing about women, so my comments in this blog are aimed at both genders.

Continue reading

Can You Be Single So Long That You Become Undateable?

A friend of mine gave me a piece of dating advice a few years ago.  She said, "You need to meet a man when he is newly separated because once he has been single for too long, he will enjoy single life and not want to commit." At the time I thought that this was interesting advice, and I wasn't sure whether it was true or not.  Now, as I enter yet another year of single life, I am beginning to wonder if this statement is not just true of men, but of women also.  Is it possible that if we are single for too long we start to enjoy the independence, lack of drama and accompanying freedom so much, that with each passing year we become more reluctant to give it up, and thereby become almost undateable?

Continue reading

2 The Problem Is You Found Her, But You Kept Looking

I recently posted a meme with the title of this blog on my social media and was very surprised at the response, mostly from men, who seemed to take exception to the content of the meme.  The point of my post wasn't to attack men, it was to highlight this modern day problem that has arisen amongst both men AND women.  Everyone is so busy searching for "the one", they overlook the very special person who may be right in front of them.

Continue reading

Good Vibes Only. That’s Ridiculous!!

All too often in social media and other places I see people posting about how they want "good vibes only" and how they have a "no negativity" zone.  At the risk of emitting "negative vibes", I have to say that I find these mantras to be ridiculous.  I will even go further and say that not only are they ridiculous, they are harmful to people, our relationships and our ability to connect with one another.

Continue reading

As The Seasons Change, So Do Our Relationships: How To Weatherproof Your Relationship

Just like with the seasons, change is inevitable.  For any relationship to last long-term, partners need to be adaptable and committed to adjusting to life’s changing seasons.  With the holidays coming next month, and the increased opportunity for family time, November is a great time to reflect on our relationships, and make sure we are adjusting with the times to weather the future together as a team.

Here are some tips on weatherproofing your relationship with your partner:

  1. Communication:  This is the number one thing that partners need to do well in order to have a healthy relationship.  We need to communicate our needs so that our partner understands what we need from the relationship.  No one is a mind reader.  Uncommunicated needs lead to resentments which undermine healthy relationships.
  2. Quality and Quantity of Time:  It goes almost without saying that spending quality time together is important.  Date nights and intimacy are very important to a healthy relationship. Quantity of time matters though too.  Absence doesn’t really make the heart grow fonder, it makes it grow more distant.  Just spending time in the same room, even if one of you is reading and one of you is doing a hobby, can still help strengthen your connection. The best relationships are ones where partners know they can just be together and they don’t have to be talking, as the silence isn’t uncomfortable.
  3. Reciprocity:  Both partners need to be committed to working on the relationship and helping it grow with the times.  If only one person is putting in the effort, it won’t work.
  4. Agreement on key issues including money, parenting and sex:  If a couple has very divergent viewpoints on these three issues, there are going to be significant problems in the relationship.  There needs to be lots of communication on these topics and a commitment to always keeping the communication channels open as changes in life affect these three areas.
  5. Respect:  If there is mutual respect in a relationship, it has a much better chance of weathering the storms.

We can’t stop change from happening, but with a little time and commitment, we can weatherproof our lives from the changing seasons.

1 2 3