I recently posted a meme with the title of this blog on my social media and was very surprised at the response, mostly from men, who seemed to take exception to the content of the meme. The point of my post wasn’t to attack men, it was to highlight this modern day problem that has arisen amongst both men AND women. Everyone is so busy searching for “the one”, they overlook the very special person who may be right in front of them.
Modern dating has become a constant chase of that elusive partner who is going to make our world complete. Daters keep moving onto the next person, while suffering “FOMO” syndrome (fear of missing out), and feeling like Bono singing, “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.” With so much choice so readily available, why are so many people having such a hard time finding “the one”?
My guess is that the sense of fulfillment and happiness that people are searching for isn’t going to be found on the dating scene, it comes from within. Only when we are truly happy with ourselves, can we really enter into a healthy relationship. Too many people are searching for someone to make them happy or to complete them. This isn’t the function of a date or a partner. If you aren’t happy before your met Cinderella or Prince Charming, you aren’t going to be afterwards either. We need to stop looking for someone else to make us feel better about our own life.
We also need to stop treating everyone as if they are disposable. If you meet someone who is kind and genuinely interested in you, don’t be so quick to dismiss this person. Modern daters are so busy looking to their next date that they don’t value the person right in front of them. The relationships formed are often so superficial that no one really gets to know someone anyway.
The dating world is currently full of people who want to date 3, 4 or 5 people all at the same time. Daters are encouraged by friends and our culture to keep their options open, not limit themselves to just one person, and to play the field. The problem with this approach is that someone absolutely amazing might be right in front of you, but you lose the opportunity to really connect, because you devalue that person by dating others at the same time. Why would anyone of high quality want to be one of many being dated by the same person after a few dates?
Dating someone new has become like chasing a high. Endless dating has become like an addiction. It can never be satisfied. There’s always that hope for the better high. At the end of the day, all of us daters need to take a long hard look at ourselves. We need to ask ourselves if we are happy with who we are, and if we aren’t, we need to do the work on ourselves to change this. Your next date is not going to make you feel like you are enough, only you can do that.